Stunning prose. Also, it is thrilling to see that this was written over a year ago and seems to be blossoming on the algorithm right now( somehow I found this on my home page and I am glad!!). I hope the notifications find you in a new and uniquely beautiful phase, and I hope to read about it too sometime.
The relationship part of being a parent, and having this wonderful being to love, is incomparably great. Unfortunately the work part of being a parent, which goes on for decades and if anything gets more involved over time, is heavily onerous and our society/economy does nothing to support it and make it bearable and shareable.
I so wish men could gestate. I want a kid but I don't want sacrifice my body, go through pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding. (waiting for all the women to tell me to just "do it" despite saying the above, being ignored as a woman is just so engrained lol)
I’m in complete agreement with you. I’ve been told that those concerns aren’t valid, even that I should do it anyway because that’s the “primary purpose of my body.” WTF?! Love children, but it’s weird how far we are still from universally understanding that it’s not only a choice, but an incredibly difficult one. Not a no brainer in any case.
Exactly! I have never wanted to be a biological mother, something that was clear to me for a number of reasons as early as my teenage years. Even as my biological clock ticks, still nothing. BUT I love being part of the village that surrounds the kids belonging to friends and family. The fact that this part of raising a child is regularly ignored as "not being the same" (which translates to "not good enough") is so frustrating to me. Like, I will take your child when you need a break, I will walk with them to school, I will be the shoulder they can come to when they're not sure about Mum & Dad being ready... But I'm not doing it right unless I have a baby?
Well said and it’s true for each child. I’ve heard it said parenting is like a Tardis, it’s bigger on the inside. It looks maybe small and limiting from the outside but inside, but inside it opens up.
I love the way you worded that. In the past I only saw the limitations of parenthood and other ‘adult’ responsibilities. Now I see new adventures with opportunities for growth and joy. I see my mom through a new lens and hope to love as she loves.
When I was young, my mom told me that I should have kids because “who will take care of you when you’re old?!”
Nowadays my mom and I don’t speak.
But I do have a child of my own. And I don’t know for certain what our relationship will look like when he’s older. But I do know that being a mother has:
• literally altered my brain and my body (endearing),
• taught me so much about myself, and
• given me a different kind of joy than I ever had before.
None of these are reasons I’d give someone to have kids. Only the unexpected and cherished byproducts of a leap of faith.
I'm still here with a 9 month old and postpartum has been heavy! Such a shocking shift in life. And we are still in the phase of mostly repetitive, boring tasks. However, it does get better and better! And it's refreshing to read that it continues to when a lot of what I see online about raising small children is so negative. Thanks for sharing!
I never want to have a baby, but I love hanging out with other people's kids. They're great! I love watching them grow and learn stuff, even if it is confronting that some of them are teenagers or even adults now. (I'm still in my 30s! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!) But do I think I have the patience and health needed to parent full time? Christ, no. And that's okay because I'm honoured to be a part of friends' and family's villages, because I know that they need a break from it all from time to time.
I definitely shouldn't have a kid, but I don't need to because I'm so blessed already.
Loved this. Thanks for writing. My first kid is 10 months-old and we are still in the grind phase. The growing of the light of consciousness is absolutely astounding to witness, however. Yesterday, we caught him purposefully searching for a song he liked and dancing to it when it came on. He has a toy that plays like 10-12 random little songs and he'll hit the button over and over again to get through the other songs until he finds the one he wants and then he dances to it, haha. It's so cute. He used to just tap it by accident and whatever happened, happened. But not this time.
Nothing makes my heart swell with joy more than his belly laugh. He can really get going when we play games together and it is an absolute rush of raw, unfettered joy to behold.
Good luck on the parenting journey, friend! Always nice to see other people on the same path and what they are thinking.
Having a kid is not for the faint of heart and I wish it on anyone willing to face the multifaceted experience it is to rear a child…to lead them watch them and foster an environment of self acceptance and help them through the complexities the world places them in….
Seeing other people love their kids gives me the cleanest, purest compersion.
If you like having one, you may want to consider having another. More than twice the work, yes, but also more than twice the joy :D
That sounds like a good deal to me!
Harder in some ways but they do entertain one another. The best gift I gave my daughter was her little sister.
I have two girls: a 4 and a 2 .... and the chaos is at level 10. Despite that, seeing them play and grow together is extremely rewarding :)
Stunning prose. Also, it is thrilling to see that this was written over a year ago and seems to be blossoming on the algorithm right now( somehow I found this on my home page and I am glad!!). I hope the notifications find you in a new and uniquely beautiful phase, and I hope to read about it too sometime.
The relationship part of being a parent, and having this wonderful being to love, is incomparably great. Unfortunately the work part of being a parent, which goes on for decades and if anything gets more involved over time, is heavily onerous and our society/economy does nothing to support it and make it bearable and shareable.
Dear S, whatever else you may do or not do, this is the best advice in the whole wide world and I hope you take it.
I so wish men could gestate. I want a kid but I don't want sacrifice my body, go through pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding. (waiting for all the women to tell me to just "do it" despite saying the above, being ignored as a woman is just so engrained lol)
I’m in complete agreement with you. I’ve been told that those concerns aren’t valid, even that I should do it anyway because that’s the “primary purpose of my body.” WTF?! Love children, but it’s weird how far we are still from universally understanding that it’s not only a choice, but an incredibly difficult one. Not a no brainer in any case.
Exactly! I have never wanted to be a biological mother, something that was clear to me for a number of reasons as early as my teenage years. Even as my biological clock ticks, still nothing. BUT I love being part of the village that surrounds the kids belonging to friends and family. The fact that this part of raising a child is regularly ignored as "not being the same" (which translates to "not good enough") is so frustrating to me. Like, I will take your child when you need a break, I will walk with them to school, I will be the shoulder they can come to when they're not sure about Mum & Dad being ready... But I'm not doing it right unless I have a baby?
Yeah, nah mate.
Well said and it’s true for each child. I’ve heard it said parenting is like a Tardis, it’s bigger on the inside. It looks maybe small and limiting from the outside but inside, but inside it opens up.
I love the way you worded that. In the past I only saw the limitations of parenthood and other ‘adult’ responsibilities. Now I see new adventures with opportunities for growth and joy. I see my mom through a new lens and hope to love as she loves.
I sincerely want to have kids just so that I can name them and play multiplayer video games with them.
When I was young, my mom told me that I should have kids because “who will take care of you when you’re old?!”
Nowadays my mom and I don’t speak.
But I do have a child of my own. And I don’t know for certain what our relationship will look like when he’s older. But I do know that being a mother has:
• literally altered my brain and my body (endearing),
• taught me so much about myself, and
• given me a different kind of joy than I ever had before.
None of these are reasons I’d give someone to have kids. Only the unexpected and cherished byproducts of a leap of faith.
I'm still here with a 9 month old and postpartum has been heavy! Such a shocking shift in life. And we are still in the phase of mostly repetitive, boring tasks. However, it does get better and better! And it's refreshing to read that it continues to when a lot of what I see online about raising small children is so negative. Thanks for sharing!
I never want to have a baby, but I love hanging out with other people's kids. They're great! I love watching them grow and learn stuff, even if it is confronting that some of them are teenagers or even adults now. (I'm still in my 30s! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!) But do I think I have the patience and health needed to parent full time? Christ, no. And that's okay because I'm honoured to be a part of friends' and family's villages, because I know that they need a break from it all from time to time.
I definitely shouldn't have a kid, but I don't need to because I'm so blessed already.
Loved this. Thanks for writing. My first kid is 10 months-old and we are still in the grind phase. The growing of the light of consciousness is absolutely astounding to witness, however. Yesterday, we caught him purposefully searching for a song he liked and dancing to it when it came on. He has a toy that plays like 10-12 random little songs and he'll hit the button over and over again to get through the other songs until he finds the one he wants and then he dances to it, haha. It's so cute. He used to just tap it by accident and whatever happened, happened. But not this time.
Nothing makes my heart swell with joy more than his belly laugh. He can really get going when we play games together and it is an absolute rush of raw, unfettered joy to behold.
Good luck on the parenting journey, friend! Always nice to see other people on the same path and what they are thinking.
So beautiful
This was wholesome & honest. I love hearing about the joys of parenting.
Having a kid is not for the faint of heart and I wish it on anyone willing to face the multifaceted experience it is to rear a child…to lead them watch them and foster an environment of self acceptance and help them through the complexities the world places them in….
Beautiful. Charming. Bravo!