My memory is a little fuzzy now but I think she located the closest 24-hour post office and got there in the middle of the night just as they were shutting their doors. Very powerful
I agree with that approach, actually. I think I am fairly loyal to people once we've become friends, but it feels like that itself adds some back-pressure into which friendships I'm willing to pursue.
Could you have your good and capable friends, and also help people as broadly as you can? It feels glib to make an "I would simply" suggestion like that, but I'm not sure I see the conflict between those things.
Though having said that, I suppose I do avoid asking my friends for things that _aren't_ in the "help me with groceries or give me a ride somewhere" sort of category, because I don't want the friendship to feel (or potentially even start to become) transactional in the way you describe. I hadn't really framed it that way to myself, but reading this, I did recognize it as an outcome I explicitly don't want and act to avoid.
> Could you have your good and capable friends, and also help people as broadly as you can?
I think so, and that's what I've tried to do, but it feels like even when I am helping people there's some kind of bucketing going on in the subconscious like: is this charity, or relationship-building? And I don't like that feeling.
I think about these questions a lot. We all clearly have some ideal of friendship and community in our minds (probably implanted there by tv and movies). What’s stopping us from actually going the extra mile for the people who are already in our lives? Or is ‘soul family’ a real thing—there just exist certain people in the world that we intrinsically will move mountains for because of the core of who they are and not their incidental positions in our lives as friend/neighbor/relative?
Anyway, your mom is like one of those mythical figures I can’t believe actually exist in real life. Thanks for sharing.
Ok but how did she mail a letter on a federal holiday???
My memory is a little fuzzy now but I think she located the closest 24-hour post office and got there in the middle of the night just as they were shutting their doors. Very powerful
Select your friends based on capability/interestingness but then give/expect unconditional support?
Loved this post btw. Your mom comes thru so vividly & she seems incredible.
Thank you!
I agree with that approach, actually. I think I am fairly loyal to people once we've become friends, but it feels like that itself adds some back-pressure into which friendships I'm willing to pursue.
Could you have your good and capable friends, and also help people as broadly as you can? It feels glib to make an "I would simply" suggestion like that, but I'm not sure I see the conflict between those things.
Though having said that, I suppose I do avoid asking my friends for things that _aren't_ in the "help me with groceries or give me a ride somewhere" sort of category, because I don't want the friendship to feel (or potentially even start to become) transactional in the way you describe. I hadn't really framed it that way to myself, but reading this, I did recognize it as an outcome I explicitly don't want and act to avoid.
> Could you have your good and capable friends, and also help people as broadly as you can?
I think so, and that's what I've tried to do, but it feels like even when I am helping people there's some kind of bucketing going on in the subconscious like: is this charity, or relationship-building? And I don't like that feeling.
I think about these questions a lot. We all clearly have some ideal of friendship and community in our minds (probably implanted there by tv and movies). What’s stopping us from actually going the extra mile for the people who are already in our lives? Or is ‘soul family’ a real thing—there just exist certain people in the world that we intrinsically will move mountains for because of the core of who they are and not their incidental positions in our lives as friend/neighbor/relative?
Anyway, your mom is like one of those mythical figures I can’t believe actually exist in real life. Thanks for sharing.
This was so honest. My mom is different from yours but I quite relate to how you described yourself and your communities.