the time you start thinking it isn’t going to happen
Dunno whether I feel seen or attacked
Wow this transported me. I’ve thought about this recently too (though much less eloquently!).
This line really hits - “When I was younger I thought it meant that something was missing, something that I could find if I kept on looking.” I think I’m in the phase of trying to convince / reassure myself that it doesn’t mean that
> No matter how fucked your sleep schedule is, there were at least a few off-ramps earlier in the night. You made it here because you wanted to, because you missed something in the early hours that you’re looking for now. You wanted to get one more loot drop, get a moment alone with that girl in the corner, untwist yourself more completely. You wanted to find something new.
This resonates so much. I’m usually looking for a space that feels totally separate from the world.