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malatela's avatar

There's no evidence "giving in" to tantrums will make them "worse" anymore than "giving in" and feeding her when she was hungry as a baby would. It's just her needs and wants are more complicated now and she hasn't yet learned to communicate what they are or learned negotiation. It will come.

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Katherine Wu's avatar

I don't think it's necessarily that "giving in" would be rewarding her feeling angry--but it might rob her of the opportunity to learn how to cope with feeling her feelings. I'm really into trying to foster emotional resiliency and intrinsically-motivated focus for my kids, because I feel like I didn't get that for myself and it seems harder to do as an adult rather than as a child.

"by staying calm and present instead, I can sort of link our nervous systems together, my still reservoir damping and absorbing her small violent waves." -- I think this is spot on! You're doing great.

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